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The results of today.

      

      

$115 gone in less than 5 seconds for a piercing therapy, I can kiss my Lunar New Year money good bye.

Nothing uniquely different this week apart from the rest. I had a close shave with death yesterday and I never felt so alive today.

P/S: Anyone who rides a motorbike for the sheer thrill of 'speed-racing' will eventually have an accident, especially cause endangerment to pedestrians and others on the road.
I can only thank God for protecting me everyday and I am pretty sure that there were many unseen circumstances He protected me from. Now that Vic wants to take up motorbike lessons, I can only 'let go and let God'.

New pics this week added in the Gallery.. and I got myself a new toy.


***

If ever I would stop thinking about music and politics, I would tell you that sometimes it's easier to desire and pursue the attention and admiration of 100 strangers than it is to accept the love and loyalty of those closest to me.

And I would tell you that sometimes I prefer to look at myself through someone elses eyes.
Eyes that aren't clouded with the tears of knowing what an asshole I can be, as yours are.

If ever I would stop thinking about music and politics, I might be able to listen in silence to your concerns rather than hearing everything as an accusation or an indictment against me.

I would tell you that sometimes I use sex to avoid communication.
It's the best escape when we're down on our luck.
But I can express more emotions than laughter, anger and let's fuck.

If ever I would stop thinking about music and politics, I would tell you that I pooped in my own dog dish.
And sometimes I would rather face not eating than face licking it clean.
And admitting when I'm selfish.
And I'd tell you that I'm suffering from the worst type of loneliness.
The loneliness of being misunderstood, or more poignantly.
The loneliness of being afraid to allow myself to be understood.

If ever I would stop thinking about music and politics, I would tell you that the personal revolution is far more difficult and is the first step in any revolution.

If ever I would stop thinking about music and politics..

I would tell you that music is the expression of emotion.
And that politics is merely the decoy of perception.

-the Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy.

ARAB STREET
My first carpet-sitting sheesha session in 2006.



Nights can never go dull with Hed Kandi, hardcore D&B/house, cheese prata and these buggers.

1 more day to Backstreet's Back.
5 more days to LNY Reunion. ($$$!)
7 more days to Paul Van Dyke.

P/S: Barbie, be of good cheer, Wong Ah Lian is here. *pat pat*.

[edit:]

Tonight will be another night I would cry myself to sleep, he'll never know.

***

Today was the same. Church, dinner and goodbyes. Through it all, I wanted to cry so bad, hugged him so tight and never let go. But I knew better not to. Because that would prepare myself for the biggest fall. And so I saw him to his bus, said the usual goodbyes and walked away.. a big tear which I've been forcing inside the whole while, finally trickled down my face.

***
If only you would want to spend another minute with me, to enjoy the lonely sky together.

Thanks Don for the Schnappi song. Its so cute, I feel much better now. (:

***

Had sheesha session with the 3As (Asri, Attica & Akid) & many more followed by Hed Kandi fun with the same fellas including Desmond, Imran, Jerry & his friends. MoS was real fun with exactly the right people but somehow, I felt lonely. Today, I wish I had someone I could lean on and cry.

------------------------------
RST: Sheesha kills depression.

[edit:]



Free tix to ELIZABETHTOWN! I'm definitely God's favorite. (;

***

So many rad concerts to kick off the new year and I can hardly wait!

24 JAN
BSB paid
16 FEB
Franz Ferdinand
23 FEB
Oasis
16 MAR
Kings Of Convenience paid

I've to sell more stuffs online, invest more on paid to surf and save save save!

------------------------------
RST: Having staring contests. Having laughing contests.

I'm 11 days late for making my NY resolutions but I guess its never too late to do myself good. Other than the usual donate-to-rachel/save-alot-of-money campaign, I just have one resolution - to always log down every thought/idea/inspiration, basically anything reflective, anything I see that interests me. For this, I'll name every reflective log RST*.

------------------------------
RST: White guys wearing red Havaianas flip flops.

* rachel starts thinking

X

You're so predictable, I'll never understand. Your reasons for excuses, your free time for friends, your weekdays plus Friday plus Saturday of school plus projects plus study, your 1 hour episodes of CSI before our 5 minutes phone convos, our only weekly date on Sundays - church, dinner and goodbyes. Some reasonable. Most are unexcusable excuses.

URGH!!!!

[edit:]

Santa Fe with the Utanes couple was ooh-la-la. Not to mention, wallet-free! (;

***

Guilty spending resumes in 8 hours with Wxsie as my shoop shoop accomplice.

The intended killings for the day:
- Pair of Havaianas
- Anything else to finish off my gift certs

( Knowing I have little to spend, I will slowly sober up to my fate. )


// Casper and Mr. Shinova

Teehee! Nine months and counting. You are sooo cute and I sooo love you.
Pineapple rice at V8 movie cafe tonight with the cutie. *SLURPS

hurt.

I tried not to be what I don't wish to be but it gets worst everytime I try.
I made a commitment to shut myself off everything that hurts but they hurt more as time goes by.
I detached myself from every human I know you would feel insecure of but they keep coming back to me.
I hugged you each time I see you, tighter than before, afraid that my instable feelings would let you free.
I wished she doesn't exist in your heart but she has always been so near.
The gem whom I see almost everyday, never knowing you once held her so closely to your heart ever so dear. (i trust you.)

And I realised who I am.
The mistakes I commit so religiously.
My frustrations as what you see as childish tantrums.
Am I not human enough as not be able to have stress?
Can I ever cry my heart out to you at times like these?
I grow weaker by the hour when we are in this state.
I cannot bring myself to face you when you think of me that way.

... but I can be a beauty if your words never let me go astray.

(:

[edit:]

22 more days to BSB concert!

***

Morning! First entry of the year, the first entry in 2 years that has actually been posted at this hour. I feel great!

In 40 minutes, I'll be seating in the interactive studio getting ready for my major class. The first day of school in the year 2006. The second semester of year 2. The third day of the year. I'm praying Mister Hitler wouldn't teach us Director anymore. ANYTHING BUT DIRECTOR! He makes tutorials so so boring! I hate dislike the fact that Director does work wonders but yet I can't seem to be interested in any of the lingos. What a killer!

And I forgot about making new year resolutions..